My God if you were here…

My heart, a tomb

would be a tabernacle.

If you were here

I would be alive.

Why do you wait Lord?

Knowing I die and fight not to be my own savior,

resurrecting myself in my own image.

I am Weary, you are rest

I am Hungering and thirsting, you are my fill

I am Begging, you promise to give

But you wait.

You hear my cry, my pain,

My God…?

Why have you abandoned me?

And you leave me alone

A tomb

Made only to be a tabernacle.

The stone closed for while you wait,

And I am scared of the stench inside from the decay, death and emptiness.

Are you moved?

Do you weep for me?

Will you, Lord, roll away the stone?

How long must my heart be a tomb, empty of life?

 A hollow vessel

‘This precious chalice’

Unable to give because it is empty.

A chalice tomb.

They taunt me, scream and mock me,

He has left you. You aren’t enough.

It was a dream, in your imagination.

You will never see the face of God, he has turned away. He left you.

Lord,

Where are you?

Do you hear me cry?

Do you hear me call you?

Have you forgotten me?

Abandoned me?

Seen my weakness and turned away?

Lord your mercy cannot. You promised me.

To know in faith that you are the resurrection and the life is not enough.

I need you to resurrect me, make me a living chalice, a tabernacle, a vessel, a bride.

Where are you?

Seeing you on Tabor, hearing you on Sinai

Makes my emptiness ache more

Having seen your beauty

something in me is darkly dying.

My eyes are blind and my mind doesn’t understand the cognitive dissonance between

You are precious in my sight and honoured and I love you

And day upon day of darkness in the tomb.

When will you call my name?