Adoration today

Experiencing interior pain and emptiness....I looked back over the last year - all the events, purifications and all the tears I have cried.  The most tears being shed in my heart over the painful absence, silence and emptiness of God. Everything else was difficult, but that has been unbearable. Asking 'Where were you?' I seek him in each moment.... looking for the trace of his hand. Seeing him sometimes strongly, sometimes silently, but always obscurely.

and now before him in the Blessed Sacrament I beg, 'Where are you?  Let me find you...'
and the quiet answer comes 'Who are you looking for?'
'Jesus' my heart replies
'I am He.'  ....these were the words he spoke in the Garden. Jn 18:4-5

And I realize:
To seek self is to desire consolation.To seek Christ is to embrace the cross.

He has not left me but has brought me with him to the Garden. My soul has found him whom I seek, in the garden, and to be with him means to embrace the painful emptiness and be with him in the silence. But my soul has found him whom I seek. There is nothing else I want.

My daughter, know that if I allow you to feel and have a more profound knowledge of My sufferings, that is a grace from Me. But when your mind is dimmed and your sufferings are great, it is then that you take an active part in My Passion, and I am conforming you more fully to Myself. It is your task to submit yourself to My will at such times, more than at others ... (Jesus to St Faustina, Diary, 1697).